highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
