It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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