You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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