I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
