dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
