i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pants are for mortals
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
