Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
