my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
