guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
