who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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