You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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