my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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