She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
