Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
