I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
