i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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