i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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