Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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