the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
