So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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