I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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