i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
