i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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