Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
