dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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