I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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