Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
