Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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