Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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