Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
