I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
