Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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