You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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