It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
