well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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