His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
