I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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