shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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