Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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