OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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