is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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