I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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