"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize