somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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