I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
