She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
