I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize