How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
