Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
