Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
