Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
