he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
