You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize