After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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