I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
