Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize