I think I died a long time ago.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
