Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
