your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
