kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
