so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
