wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
