Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
