How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize