a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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