omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
