I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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