What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
