I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
