In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
