i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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