I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
