Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
