Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
