Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What drink are we having for lunch?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
