I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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