I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
