I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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