ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
