I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize