I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
