Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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