Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want nice things and good sex
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
