plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
