Im at strip club and am horny
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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