i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my shit smells like andre
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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