im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
