shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
