The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
