I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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