I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
zippers are such a cool invention
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
