I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize