i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
