1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
