If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
