Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
