my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
