Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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