please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Welp...herpes.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
