i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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