Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
