dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
