U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
