I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
