Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
