why didn't you poke me back
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
