i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
dude. I can hear the air.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
