so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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