Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
