let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize