So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
