the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
